A New Year! Happy or not

A very happy new year to you all. What an year it has been! A year of so many firsts, so much fun and so much to share, I hope 2011 brings forth the same. Some brilliant times to remember.  Cheers.

 

But I have my misgivings about that as the first three days of the new year was perhaps the worst I have ever spent. My loved ones were away, my friends were away, I was alone, I even cried a couple of times, my pudding went bad and I almost started to feel that I’m a lousy cook. I tried to make myself happy but in vain. I tried to concentrate but I couldn’t with so much fun flowing out on the streets.

I’m not a pub person at all, do not have a wrong impression. I just didn’t want to be alone. I also caught a cold and drank coffee and sulked. Oh, what a horrible time I’ ve spent. Sometimes, staying alone can be very difficult. This is the first working day of the new year; and I’m so glad to be back to a state that’s normal.

I think I felt awful because none of whom I know were at a state like mine. If you are knee deep in mud and you have company, it doesn’t feel that helpless than when you are alone with no one around you. Everyone was busy and happy. My girls were out with their guys, my guy was with his guys, my parents were 3000 miles away from me and I thought drinking alone makes no sense. I really could not make myself feel great, although I tried my level best.

The worst part was, every moment I hoped unnecessarily. I hoped that maybe someone will drop by, maybe some thing surprising will happen, maybe some plans will come by…Nothing happened. There I was at 12, making my bed, ready to go off to sleep.

And then something happened. I wrote 3 articles, at a stretch. I kept writing till my fingers were sore. And at the end of it all; after 5 hours of writing, I finally felt that I have accomplished something, I did something. The dawn was breaking, my articles were ready and I slept in peace. That’s exactly why I chose this as my profession. I am an editor for a digital advertising agency, just in case you didn’t know.

In general, a big discussion over tea followed this morning in our office pantry. Back from the holidays, people had so much to share. Of course except for me who had nothing or very little to contribute to the discussion.

I thought I’ll forget those dead hours as soon as possible, how I solely believe that they are not worth remembrance. But surprisingly, after my  CEO threw a new light on the supposedly sad way of spending the new year by commenting, “spending time with one’s self” is a very sensible way to spend the new year, I did re-visit the dreadful day. And coming to think of it, maybe it was not so bad after all to not join the gang. Or maybe, the boss is indeed always right. A little philosophical too, in this case.

Happy or not, this is the new year and we can but only hope for the best. But, this new year, I have taken two resolutions.

1. To learn the guitar more seriously

2. To stop secretly hoping about something that’s not going to happen. Hoping is such high action adrenalin, its very bad for my heart. Count the disappointment too. After all, “losing all hope was freedom”, remember? Maybe I’ll not give up on hope so rigidly, but at least try to be a bit more practical. I can be very dreamy and its not doing too good to me. Btw, the quote is from Chuck Palahniuk.

~x~

 

 

Advertisements

3 thoughts on “A New Year! Happy or not

  1. Girl u werent the only one with knee deep of holidays and no one to spends it i went thru d same dat u did so i definately know wat u felt like, Dieu ! it was so hurtful to not have ur loved ones around is by Far the most torturous way of living , though i will hope dat it wont be d same year around

    Like

  2. Hello Rukmini, thanks for your words from the heart. Sometimes it is not so bad to be on one´s own. All you wrote about those lonely days is beautiful, a lot of feeling and truth. Being alone allows me to think more deeply about what really matters in my life, what direction I wish to move on. It is a time to catch up with writing letters, sewing UFO´s that have been waiting for too long. Making phone calls long overdue. Just being with myself and enjoying whatever I decide to do ormaybe not doing anything 😉
    Happy Creative New Year, dear Rukmini.

    Like

Have something to say? Feel free.

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s